Sleep Deprivation: Silent Saboteur Of Intimacy And Sexual Well-being

Today, millions of people across the world face sleep issues, which can significantly impact their libido, according to a report by the Wall Street Journal. People wanting to discuss relationship issues often do not realize that the real reason is their lack of sleep. Many people today are struggling to get enough sleep. This leaves them feeling tired throughout the day and finding it hard to stay focussed during sex at night.

How has your sleep been lately?

The National Heart, Lung and Blood Institute reports that between 50 and 70 million Americans experience sleep disorders. According to the American institute, about one in three of adults consistently do not get the recommended amount of uninterrupted sleep they require.

A recent study found that sleep problems affect a large portion of the Indian population, too, with as many as 93% experiencing some form of sleep disorder or deprivation. Additionally, about 34% of people were found to have sleep apnea, a condition that can increase the risk of obesity and heart-related issues over time. A survey by LocalCircles on World Sleep Day found that 61% of Indians get fewer than 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep each night. This figure has risen from 50% in 2022 to 55% in 2023 and now 61% in 2024.

Research also indicates that 72% of Indians wake up between one and three times each night and 87% feel that their health is impacted by poor sleep. These figures point to an increasing sleep crisis in India, which has intensified since Covid-19. Tackling this issue is essential for enhancing overall health and well-being. Consistently lacking good quality, and enough, sleep has been connected to such health problems as diabetes, high blood pressure and obesity. It also impacts mental sharpness, causing reduced focus and slower reaction times.

A topic not talked about as often is that lack of sleep can also negatively affects your sex life. Research shows that not getting enough sleep is linked to a lower sex drive, difficulty reaching orgasm and an overall decrease in sexual satisfaction. When people are constantly tired, they lack the energy for intimacy or to meet their partner's needs. On top of that, they are often irritable and may lose interest in sex altogether.

When one is worn out, or exhausted, and see a pillow, sex is probably the last thing on his or her mind, explains Dr Lauren Streicher, a professor of obstetrics and gynaecology at Northwestern University's medical school and a senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University.

Increased Frustration and Reactions

Lack of sleep lowers testosterone levels in men and estrogen levels in women, both of which affect sex drive. It also increases stress hormones, making people too tense to feel any desire. Science shows that lack of sleep can lead to increased irritability, anxiety and depression, while reducing energy and motivation. People become more easily frustrated, reactive and more likely to get into conflicts.

Wendy Troxel, a senior behavioral scientist at Rand and author of a book on couples and sleep, in an interview with WSJ, said these were all major factors that hurt sex life. She further explains that lack of sleep makes it harder to understand one's partner's emotions and more likely to pull away.

But here is some good news: Getting better sleep can lead to more enjoyable sex, says Troxel. A study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that, for women, every extra hour of sleep is linked to a 14% increase in sexual activity the next day.

A recent study found that orgasms could help improve sleep, particularly when they occur during sex with a partner. According to Candice Hargons, a counselling psychologist and associate professor at Emory University's School of Public Health, who specializes in sexual wellness, in an interview with WSJ, good sex can help one sleep better.

Some people who preferred not to be named said exhaustion was the reason for their sexual performance problems. They mentioned such things as falling asleep during sex, or arguing with their partner in the middle of it, even to the extent of yelling, "Finish it, I'm tired!".

Prescription sleep medications are, often, helpful and doctors also prescribe something for erectile dysfunction. When a couple plans their next intimate journey in bed, taking an erectile dysfunction pill first, followed by sleep medication, may work wonders. Although sex would not be spontaneous anymore, but at least one can make sure one is ready at the right time.

Ways in Which One Can Take Action

If poor sleep is affecting sex life, here is some advice from doctors, therapists and sleep specialists:

1. Do not take time away from sleep. Many couples, especially those with young children, try to squeeze in sex whenever possible, often at the cost of their sleep. Instead, sleep experts suggest cutting back on other activities, such as watching Netflix or scrolling through Instagram. One could also try being intimate earlier in the day.

2. Consider sleeping in separate beds. This can improve sleep quality, as sleeping alone means one will not be disturbed by someone snoring, taking all the blankets, or watching TV while the other is trying to fall asleep.

3. Put intimacy into nighttime routine. Choose a bed, start earlier in the evening and then go to each one's own spaces when done. Create a 'no wake-up' rule. While it may be tempting to wake one's partner when one is feeling in the mood, sex therapists warn this can worsen both sleep and relationship issues. Discussing with one's partner if-and when-they are okay with being woken up is advisable. Also, being supportive if one's partner prefers to sleep. In the long run, this benefits both.

4. Set realistic expectations about sex. Sleepy sex can actually be soothing, as touch helps relax the nervous system. However, one should not expect anything too intense. One does not need to do anything wild, or even have full intercourse to enjoy the benefits, says Sari Cooper, a certified sex therapist in New York, in an interview with WSJ. Even cuddling and touching, without reaching orgasm, is beneficial. It helps one bond and makes it more likely that one would fall asleep afterwards.