Filipinos celebrate Valentine's Day discreetly

MANILA, Feb 14: The days before and after February 14 are red-hot for the Philippines' motel industry.

In this largely Roman Catholic country, Valentine's Day is spent with wives and husbands. But its eve and aftermath are reserved for lovers.

''The busiest days for us are February 13 and 15,'' said Steve Perez, assistant business manager of Manila's Victoria Court, a drive-in hotel that specialises in discreet reservations.

The budget hotel, which has a lady with a finger over her lips as its logo, has 106 rooms and they are all occupied during what Filipinos jokingly refer to as days for ''No.2 or No.3'' Love, marriage and children are heavily emphasised in this Southeast Asian country, where syrupy ballads top the charts and Valentine's Day is celebrated in a red and pink riot of roses, hearts and cupids.

But despite widespread devotion to the Catholic faith, extramarital affairs are often accepted in the Philippines, where divorce is illegal and a macho culture encourages men to father several families.

Sociologists say hundreds of thousands of people remain locked in loveless unions and seek relationships elsewhere.

''If I had an option I would leave my wife,'' said a 29-year-old man, who asked not to be named. He said he had been having an affair for seven months.

The Philippines and Malta are the only countries in the world without a divorce law. Many Filipinos are opposed to such legislation, fearing it could disrupt family life and their religious beliefs.

Couples can file for annulments but they must convince the courts that their marriage was void to begin with. They can also aim for a legal separation but that would prevent them from re-marrying.

Faced with such hurdles, most unhappy married couples stick it out. Some look for love elsewhere.

While men have been the traditional protagonists of affairs, Filipino women, particularly in the more permissive urban milieux, are increasingly taking the lead. ''Before, women coming in to our hotel would hide their faces but now they have become more open,'' Perez said.

''Sometimes the women are even the one on the driver's seat.'' An etiquette book for mistresses, written by Julie Yap Daza, a television talk-show host and columnist, is a bestseller at local bookstores.

Daza tells mistresses they are ''holiday orphans,'' who must be ''ready to give up Valentine's Day, Christmas Day, New Year's Day, Holy Week and even her man's birthday''. For as Rule No.1 in her book says, ''Mistress is not Mrs Know your place.'' Celebrities or politicians changing partners with the regularity of square dancers have been a staple of Philippine gossip columns and a wandering eye is not a liability on the election stump.

Deposed president Joseph Estrada was swept to power in 1998 despite fathering children with several women.

A number of divorce bills have been filed in Congress but none have succeeded due to opposition from priests and Christian groups.

''Reality tells us that there are many failed, unhappy marriages across all Filipino classes,'' said Lisa Maza, author of a divorce bill.

''Many couples especially from the marginalised sectors, who have no access to courts, simply end up separating without the benefit of legal processes.'' Maza's bill proposes to allow, among others, the much-abused excuse - ''irreconcilable differences'' - as grounds to end a marriage.

The 5,000 plus annulment cases pending in courts show that there are many couples who are desperate to get out of failed unions, Maza said.

But sociology Professor Josephine Aguilar said divorce was not the solution.

''Everything could be resolved through proper communication,'' said Aguilar, who got married last year.

''Couples should not just accept the pluses of their partners but also their minuses because when you accept that, you will understand the idea of a perfect marriage''.

A 46-year-old father of two, interviewed by Reuters, agreed. The man, who asked not to be identified, said he will not miss the subterfuge around Valentine's Day so he can slip off for an assignation with his mistress.

His affairs devastated his family and eventually ''guilt'' seeped in.

''I chose to stay with my family because it was the right thing to do, not just morally, but for everyone to be happy,'' he said. ''I have learned not to expect anything from my wife and just accept her as a gift from God.''

REUTERS