Europe's heart puts cross-cultural love to the test

Brusells, Feb 12: Heart-shaped traffic lights for Valentine's Day, a wealth of chocolate treats and an influx of bright young things from all across Europe arguably make Brussels the continent's love as well as political capital.

But for the hoards of expatriates from a myriad of European cultures, differences in language and background can make or break relationships.

And Valentine's Day, the festival of romance viewed in some countries as a litmus test of love and in others as a commercialised waste of time, puts these romances under the microscope.

Sarah, a British consultant, found it hard to accept her former Danish boyfriend's reluctance to celebrate Valentine's Day, claiming the festival does not exist in Denmark.

''You can't really argue with that because they don't really do Valentine's Day in Denmark but I used to think, you are going out with an English girl so you could try.'' Brussels does not hold back on February 14 with chocolatiers stocking up on romance-themed gifts and ''Valentine vigilantes'' mostly students turning traffic lights into heart shapes.

But holidays like these sometimes prove to be crunch time for couples as cultural differences when one partner zealously celebrates a holiday and the other ignores it can lead to hurt feelings.

''One person in the couple might not realise there is an expectation due to culture,'' explained UK-based psychologist Alex Gardner.

Language Barriers

Valentine's Day is just one test for cross-cultural couples.

Arguments can prove tough among couples who come from different cultures and often speak different languages, communicating with each other in a second language such as English or French.

David, an American, split up with his Greek girlfriend partly because the way they handled conflicts was so different.

''For me, there's a real rift between Anglo-Saxons and Mediterraneans. Mediterraneans tend to have a big argument and then it's fine the next day. Anglo-Saxons can take days to get over it. It really creates a communication problem.'' Lack of communication often spells the beginning of the end of relationships, especially between couples who don't speak the same language or come from different cultures.

''You have to simplify things. It's just annoying when you say something and the other person doesn't get it,'' said Per Collin, a Swede who used to date a Spanish girl.

''My theory is you should marry someone from your own street. You need at least one connecting point with someone aside from the fact you like each other,'' he said.

Aside from the cultural barriers, Brussels' expatriate lifestyle is another complicating factor, especially when one partner gets sent back to his or her home country.

''With couples, where one of them leaves the country and the other one stays, it gets very complicated and you can bet they will divorce. Usually because one of them meets someone else,'' said Eliane Kengo, a Brussels-based divorce lawyer.

Divorce rates in Brussels are almost double those of the rest of the country and way above the European average.

A New World

But dating someone from another culture can sometimes be liberating.

Mimi Armstrong, a Brussels-based psychoanalyst, said people can feel freer to express themselves in another language and learn a lot of different things.

''You have so much more to play with. The languages and the different cultural backgrounds can be seen as a resource that adds to the relationship rather than creating an obstacle.'' Lorna, a Scottish consultant married to a Belgian, very much agrees.

''When I met my husband, it opened up a whole new world to me of culture and a way of seeing things,'' she explained.

The good news is that cultural and linguistic mix-ups can be amusing or charming and serve to draw couples closer together.

American Ellen Marx Zeyen got more than she bargained for from her German boyfriend.

When he asked her to be his wife, she misheard him in part because of his thick accent.

''I thought he had asked for a light so I said: 'Sure'. He then asked when I thought would be a good time and I said: 'Right away if you want it so badly'.''

Reuters