What Parents Miss Before It’s Too Late: Psychiatrist Dr Pankaj Kumar On Children, Screens & Silence

When three young siblings in Ghaziabad ended their lives, the immediate focus turned to mobile addiction and online gaming. But beneath that surface lies a far more complex story, one of emotional isolation, unmet psychological needs, and a breakdown of family communication in the digital age.

Dr. Pankaj Kumar, Senior Consultant Psychiatrist at Max Hospital, speaks to Oneindia about how children think differently from adults, why they are more vulnerable to digital addiction, and how parents often miss the visible cries of help.

His words are not just about one heartbreaking incident in Ghaziabad-they are a reminder for every family to pause, listen, and truly understand their children before it is too late.

It is because this tragedy is not just a personal loss, rather it is a societal wake-up call. Excerpts from the interview:

Are children and adolescents today more emotionally vulnerable than earlier generations, or are we just more aware now?

Dr. Pankaj Kumar: It's important to understand that such tragedies don't erupt out of nowhere. Stress, anxiety, and emotional struggles have always existed in children, but what has changed over time is the context - the intensity, frequency, and the kind of stressors children face today. Social structures have changed, family dynamics have shifted, and digital exposure has increased dramatically. These factors together have opened doors to new vulnerabilities that didn't exist earlier.

How different is a child's understanding of death and consequences compared to an adult's?

Scientifically speaking, a child's understanding of death and consequences varies widely depending on biological age, mental maturity, environment, resilience, upbringing, and even genetic factors. One key area of the brain we must talk about is the prefrontal cortex-the part responsible for impulse control, risk assessment, judgment, and decision-making. This area develops gradually and is usually fully mature only after the early twenties.

In adolescents-like the 12, 14, and 16-year-olds in the Ghaziabad case-this part of the brain is still under development. As a result, their ability to judge danger, foresee consequences, and regulate impulses is significantly compromised compared to adults. They may act intensely on emotions without fully understanding the finality or permanence of death. That biological reality alone makes children and teenagers far more vulnerable during periods of emotional distress.

What emotional or behavioural warning signs should parents never ignore?

Dr. Pankaj Kumar: In this case, the warning signs were not subtle-they were written quite literally on the wall. The children wrote that they felt "very alone" and "heartbroken." They had stopped going to school, stopped playing outdoors, had no friends, and were confined almost entirely to their room and the digital world.

This was a tragedy waiting to happen-a dangerous cocktail of emotional neglect, isolation, family complexity, and unchecked digital addiction. These children had withdrawn completely from the real world. Their cries for help were visible, yet unheard.

Parents must watch for changes in overall behaviour and patterns: sleep disturbances, appetite changes, declining academic performance, social withdrawal, irritability, mood swings, and loss of interest in activities the child once enjoyed. A child who loved school but suddenly refuses to attend, or one who was socially active but becomes isolated, is communicating distress.

Every parent knows their child's baseline behaviour. If a change is persistent, worsening, and troubling-even if it seems minor-it must never be ignored.

What should parents do when they sense their child is struggling but not opening up?

Dr. Pankaj Kumar: Parents often say, "We tried talking, but our child doesn't respond." The real question is how they tried. Children are emotionally sensitive and psychologically evolving. Add to that academic pressure, peer comparison, online bullying, hormonal changes, and identity struggles-it's overwhelming.

Today, meaningful family dialogue has almost vanished. How many families truly sit together for meals without phones, televisions, or digital distractions? Physical presence without emotional availability breaks connection. Over years, when children repeatedly feel unheard-"Not now, I'm busy"- they internalise the belief that they are unimportant.

Gradually, parents lose their child's trust. Expecting children to suddenly open up on command is unrealistic. Emotional bridges must be built consistently over time. Parenting today must be nurturing and friendly, not authoritarian. Scolding, beating, or lecturing only worsens emotional distance.

Children must feel confident that when they speak, they will be heard, taken seriously, and supported without judgement.

What parenting mistakes-often made with good intentions-can push children into isolation?

Dr. Pankaj Kumar: Many parents unintentionally prioritise their own stress, work pressures, and digital lives over emotional engagement with their children. In nuclear families, support systems have shrunk. We are hyper-vigilant when children play outside, but surprisingly negligent about what they consume online.

The digital world is far more dangerous than a neighbourhood park, yet parental monitoring there is minimal. This neglect doesn't cause damage overnight-it builds silently over years. Then one day, a catastrophe occurs, and everyone is shocked.

In this case, the children even wrote "Papa, I'm sorry," along with a crying face. That single line reflects deep despair and guilt. It was a desperate call for help that went unheard.

How damaging are social media and online gaming for young minds?

Dr. Pankaj Kumar: Digital platforms are designed to be addictive. Reward-based games, reels, likes, and virtual achievements stimulate dopamine-the same neurochemical involved in substance addiction. Over time, children crave repeated exposure, gradually slipping into dependency.

For a developing brain, the line between real and virtual becomes blurred. Children begin to form emotional connections and identities within digital avatars and online worlds. To adults, these may seem trivial, but for children, they are deeply real.

These platforms are carefully engineered for profit, not child well-being. Without regulation, supervision, and awareness, children get trapped in a psychologically manipulative ecosystem.

When should parents seek professional help?

Dr. Pankaj Kumar: Dialogue should always be the first step-non-judgemental, patient, and consistent. Avoid comparisons like "In our time..." as they alienate children further. Listen more than you speak.

However, if symptoms persist or worsen-withdrawal, mood changes, academic decline, sleep or eating disturbances-parents must not delay. Stigma should never stop timely intervention. Mental health professionals are trained to help, and early treatment can save lives.

How can parents overcome the stigma surrounding mental health?

Dr. Pankaj Kumar: Stigma has been reinforced for decades by insensitive portrayals in films and media. Ironically, we neglect the brain-the organ that defines who we are-more than any other.

Mental health issues are extremely common. WHO estimates that one in four people will require psychiatric care at some point. Governments and public figures are beginning to acknowledge this reality, but resources and manpower remain insufficient.

Seeking help is not a failure-it is responsible parenting

What role should schools play in protecting students' mental health?

Dr. Pankaj Kumar: Schools are not just academic factories; they are crucial spaces for emotional, social, and psychological development. In this case, prolonged school absence further isolated the children.

While policies mandate school counsellors, implementation is weak. Teachers often lack training, and institutions fear stigma or controversy. This must change. Schools are frontline defenders of child mental health.

What are three things every parent should do daily to protect their child's mental well-being?

Dr. Pankaj Kumar: Listen. Connect. Then talk. Communicate regularly, understand without judgement, and be kind. These simple daily acts can protect a child's mental well-being more than anything else.

Dr. Pankaj Kumar is a co-Chairperson, IPS Parliamentary Affairs Committee, General Secretary, Indian Association of Private Psychiatry (Delhi Chapter), and Founder & Chairman, The Healers Psychiatry Centre and HIDP.