How lives changed on September 11

NEW YORK, Sep 7 (Reuters) Diane Swonk's 11-year old daughter Madison does not want her to attend a conference in Boston on September 11.

She dreads the fifth anniversary of when her mother fled a conference held at the Marriott Hotel at the base of the World Trade Center, escaping with her life as other people jumped to their deaths.

''She knows I'm going to be gone on Sept. 11 and it's driving her crazy,'' said Swonk, 44, who now works as an economist with Mesirow Financial in Chicago and will be in Boston for a similar conference next Monday.

The September 11 attacks left deep scars on the Wall Street community and the emotional fallout on the bankers, insurers and brokers who were targeted has been dramatic.

Many made life altering decisions, quitting powerful jobs, leaving their spouses or getting married.

''You value life a lot more and realize how short it can be,'' said Swonk, who this reporter has interviewed regularly for her views on the U.S. economy, adding that her experience on that day was one reason for her own divorce.

Reporters who cover the financial markets and knew some of those who died in the twin towers also found themselves on the psychological rollercoaster that followed.

A colleague who was at the conference at the Marriott on September 11 later tried to join the army, but was turned down because he was too old. Another was so distressed by her experience she needed several weeks at home to recover.

Dealings with news contacts also changed as the usual jokes or market gossip suddenly seemed inappropriate after a disaster of such scale.

To this day, source lists shared among market reporters at Reuters make note of the firms that lost many employees and remind us to remain sensitive in our conversations.

Many still do not want to discuss what happened, especially with reporters, saying it would disrespect those who died. Yet some have started to talk more openly to us about where they were that day and how they and their families have coped. But the grieving is not yet over.

FAMILIES AFFECTED One contact tells the story of attending a recent dinner party where the wife of one of the guests disappeared for a long period during a conversation about September 11 only to be found crying in the bathroom.

Her husband, who was in the World Trade Center the day the planes struck, told the others that his wife was still terrified about what could have happened to him.

On an institutional level, many Wall Street firms abandoned lower Manhattan to move to midtown or across the Hudson River to New Jersey.

Companies like bond trader Cantor Fitzgerald or the small investment bank Sandler O'Neill&Partners that were located on the upper floors of the twin towers and lost huge numbers of staff are now housed near ground level in midtown.

The attacks have become a part of every day life for those involved -- and also remembered every day.

''If I'm in the office and I see a woman who I walked down the stairs with, it (the attack) pops into my mind,'' said John Demitroff, a director at the bond-trading company Thomson TradeWeb who walked down 51 floors to escape the South Tower minutes before the North Tower collapsed.

Demitroff, 44, said he also usually avoids the crowd clustered around the information board at Penn Station where he catches a commuter train home, fearful he might become a target for a suicide bomber.

He says one memory will never leave him -- the 343 New York firefighters who died.

''When we were trying to get out, going down the stairs to get back to our families, these guys with families were going up to save us -- and the fact a lot of these guys didn't make it, or possibly didn't make it, that's a horrible memory.'' Reuters DKA DB1021