Women in tight jeans cause earthquakes. Women watch football games to stare at men's thighs. Stop breeding pigeons as their genitals offend Islam. Yes you heard it right and the first question that comes to mind is what were these men who said these golden words smoking when they actually said these words?
The latest on the list of mindless fatwas has come from the dreaded ISIS. They have issued a ban on pigeon breeding in Iraq and Syria claiming that when these birds fly in the air their genitals can be seen which is offensive to Islam.
The last two weeks have seen such bizarre statements being issued by various persons. One wonders if they were really serious or were they giving all of us time off our busy schedule and have a good laugh. Let us list here some of the statements made in the past couple of weeks which have made our eyes pop out.
Pigeon genitals are anti-Islam:
The ban that was imposed in the ISIS controlled areas of Iraq and Syria was documented by the group's senior administrators. For the sake of public consumption they have said in the document that one gets to see the genitals of the bird when they fly in the air. This is anti Islam and hence a ban is being imposed immediately.
Pigeon breeding is a popular past time in these regions where the ISIS operates. The ISIS has been very tough on people who breed pigeons and very recently had arrested 15 boys. Rumour has it that three of these boys were executed for breeding pigeons. The ISIS reasoned the executions by stating that the pigeons were being bred on prayer grounds. While prayers are on these birds fly in the air and their genitals are visible thus disturbing the people.
However is this the real reason for the ban on pigeon breeding or is it because the ISIS thinks these birds are donning the role of messengers? The ISIS wants to connect everything to Islam as they claim to be the descendants of God. The real reason is that some persons were sending out messages against the ISIS through pigeons. It was also found that few others were smuggling cigarettes in small numbers with the help of these birds.
The great earthquake discovery:
This one goes out to Maulana Fazlur Rehman, the chief of the Pakistani Islamic political party Jamiat Ulema-e-Islam Fazl (JUI-F). As seismologists struggle to find exact reasons behind devastating earthquakes, Rehman beat them in their game.
He declared very seriously in Islamabad four days back that women wearing jeans is the real reason for earthquakes. He does not stop here and goes on to beat top economists as well. The same women wearing jeans also causes inflation he argued.
A word of caution to Pakistan. Don't let women in jeans get anywhere near your nuclear stations. You never know all your missiles may just take off.
"A woman that is not covered like a sack of flour is a walking-talking weapon of mass destruction. Pakistan has a multitude of such nuclear missiles in all its major cities and if these women are seen near these installations then the worst could happen, Rehman also argued while also donning the role of a great nuclear scientist.
Here is a cleric from Saudi Arabia who was watching what the women were watching when a game of football was on. The imam in a Mosque in Saudi Arabia discovered the real reason why women watch football.
He issued a ban on women watching football suggesting that they do not watch the game but the men's thighs. They only stare at men's thighs, he said while directing all husbands whose wives were football lovers.
Sorry, Lionel Messi, your game was not watched by the ardent women fans of yours.