Thank God the farmer didn't commit suicide in my rally, PM Modi must have thought (Let's imagine)

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The controversy over the death of Gajendra Singh, a farmer from Rajasthan, at a rally of the Aam Aadmi Party (AAP) in Delhi on Wednesday is refusing to die down. The parties engaged in a blame game and as initial probe suggested that the reason of the suicide might not be crop damage, the controversy is expected to snowball further. [Farmer commits suicide in AAP rally in Delhi]

The incident brought three major players in current Indian politics, namely, the BJP, Congress and AAP in a face-to-face contest. While the AAP tried to follow the Congress's footprints to corner the BJP government over farmers' security, the death of the Dausa farmer saw the BJP taking up the lead to corner the AAP leadership, accusing it of showing little respect for humanity. [Farmer's suicide: A political stunt gone wrong?]

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If Prime Minister Narendra Modi, Congress Vice-President Rahul Gandhi and Delhi Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal had an informal discussion on the issue in a famous news channel's studio, how it would have proceeded? Oneindia tries to imagine: [Dead farmer was in touch with Manish Sisodia, says his kin]

Narendra Modi (NaMo): What Mr CM, you speak so much in support of the common man and when one farmer was trying to take a drastic step in your own rally, you didn't even care? This shows how hollow is your political stand. Shame.

Arvind Kejriwal (AK): Excuse me, Modiji. Please don't give me lecture on how to deal with people's issues. You and your party have always misled the aam janata of this country by your tall claims. In reality, you haven't done anything apart from backing the corporates and shouting "Ram, Ram". And you are accusing us? Have you forgotten what happened in Delhi two months back?

NaMo: What proof do you have that we are in favour of corporates? Everybody know how we have worked on reaching out to the masses through Jan Dhan Yojana and how we have asked the rich to give up subsidy in cooking gas. Who will believe your allegations, Mr AK49 ...

AK (interrupting): Excuse me Mr PM! I have already completed 69 days...

NaMo (with a mocking smile): Okay, Mr AK69 then...

AK: I object to this!

Rahul Gandhi (RaGa): What are you upto guys? We are here to discuss the farmer's suicide and not nicknames...

NaMo: Who cares about you Shahzada? It is better to discuss the issue with my own party leaders and NDA allies. What can you do? You don't even have much state governments under you. You can only give thunderous speeches in your own party meetings. Go and do that. You will get lot of claps.

RaGa: You are so arrogant Mr Modi. This is why I called you that day by the name of "Your prime minister" in the parliament. You can never be India's prime minister.

NaMo: Looks you and your friends have forgotten the results of last year's Lok Sabha election. I think you have less number of MPs than your own age Mr Gandhi. So, please stop saying things that are baseless and only make sensation in the media.

AK: Gentlemen, we are here to address a key issue and that is farmers' suicide. We are getting personal here.

NaMo: Mr Kejriwal, your sudden love for the farmers is not difficult to understand. Since every other anti-Modi party is making this an issue to project us as pro-corporates, so you also took a plunge. What do you known about farmers' issues? Your main vote-bank is based in urban Delhi. Do something constructive for them first instead of creating noise.

AK: You are running away from your responsibility Mr PM. You are busy making foreign trips while our own countrymen are suffering at the base. Is this why you were elected with such a massive majority last year?

NaMo: Running away from responsibility? Mr Kejriwal, don't forget that I have been a chief minister for 13 years before becoming the prime minister. And you had to beg for votes after betraying your own supporters after 49 days. Don't give me lecture.

AK: Everybody knows how Gujarat has done in the social index. Your PR machinery has successfully hidden the failures. You have misled people.

RaGa: Can we please talk on Gajendra Kumar's... err... Gajendra Singh's death? Had my grandmother been alive, he wouldn't have committed suicide.

NaMo: Your ancestors have systematically ruined this country and when I am trying to do something really good, you are feeling jealous.

RaGa: Never ever try to compare yourself with my ancestors. They were gods for the people of this country.

NaMo: Really? Then why those gods couldn't make India a developed nation in more than 60 years? India's isn't your family property Shahzada. It's for everybody.

RaGa: For everybody? And what about the attacks on minorities and controlling people's right to choice in food?

NaMo: Your pseudo-secularism was no better. You had only appeased the minorities for votes all these years.

AK: Can we discuss the farmers' death issue? Both the BJP and Congress deliberately avoid this issue. I would have solved it in seven days had I been the prime minister.

NaMo: Mr Kejriwal, you can't even control your own so-called party. Please understand your limitations. You are just a media-created politician who has no grounding in the reality.

AK: We got 67 seats in the 70-member assembly. That was not without any reason Mr Modi.

NaMo: Thank us for winning so many seats Mr Kejriwal. And now I thank you that the poor farmer died in a rally of your party. Even the distant thought of that farmer committing suicide in one of my rallies sends chill down my spine. One can well understand what you people would have done by now.

RaGa: Thankfully no farmer died in one of my rallies either. My talks on "Bhojan ka Adhikar" always impress them, so they don't commit suicide.

NaMo: Ha ha, Bhojan ka Aadhikar! Be a man Shahzada, Mard Ban.

AK: Don't think yourself to be only Mard of Indian politics, Mr PM. The opposition's time will also come.

NaMo (smiling): I will wait.

At this moment Arnab Goswami, who was 'helplessly' watching the proceedings, intervenes. "Gentlemen, our time slot has got over and we are yet to hear even a single word on how to resolve farmers' problems in India. Hopefully, will will hear the same in another debate held some time later."

Truly, India surprises.

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