Guwahati, Nov 5: For 36 long years, he has been the eyes and ears of Government of India working in the remotest parts of the North-East tracking militant activities, picking up sensitive ground informations on Jehadis risking his own live.
''But two months before my retirement, I could not protect my wife who had gone to Guwahati for some official work and perished in the Ganeshguri blast'' said a sobbing Intelligence Bureau officer Mahendra Sinha.
He is posted at Aizwal. His job is to keep every single information, which could be useful for the security of the nation and send them to their higher ups for action.
''Where is the action? So many reports were sent over these years.
So many places I had visited, worked, risked lives for the safety of the motherland. But where is that action which never came. Had it come, the Jehadis would not have been able to strike in such manner'' said the IB officer.
Call of the duty had always kept him away from his wife Jyotsna and the family who were settled at Silchar. His wife was a teacher.
As Mr Sinha was to retire in January, his wife had also planned to retire early to be with her husband at the twilight of their life.
But fate was smiling different way. ''She had gone to Guwahati to process the formalities of her voluntary retirement paper. My son had also accompanied her. They were crossing Ganeshguri when the blast took place'' said the Intelligence officer who is battle hardened but can not come to the realities that his beloved wife is no more.
His son Prabhakar miraculously escaped. Prabhakar stopped for a pan and was trying to catch up her mother who was 50 metre ahead of him when the catastrophe took place. Prabhakar ran for life thinking that mother had crossed the blast site. He was not aware that his mother received full impact and her severed body was taken to medical college only to be declared brought dead.
The IB officer, who used to get the information of nation's enemy always first, got the most important information of his life at the last.
''I have no wish to join back service. I have been sending reams of reports which might be gathering dust somewhere. We are like venom less snake. I feel ashamed to tell that I used to work for IB'' he said with complete disgust.
He is unlikely to go back to Aizwal again to resume duty as his sons were trying to comfort the man who was dreaming of an easy and comfortable retired life after January.