German response on how to keep Brits out of their hair!

London, June 3 : When Brit businessman David Barnish was awarded compensation after his family found their luxury hotel had been booked out by Germans, the matter didn't seem funny - at least to the Germans.

The country's press has now fired back at their British counterparts by providing tips on how best to avoid the English in the summer season.

On May 2, Germany's mass circulation newspaper Bild published a list of resorts traditionally dominated by the British, together with some choice comments on the country's diet, drinking habits and penalty-taking ability.

"Can I get my money back if there are too many Englishmen in my hotel?" asked Bild.

Sadly, no. "Even if the travel company announces in the brochure that the resort is 'favoured by Germans'," said Uta Stenzel, an expert in German holiday law, "the tourist has to accept the possibility that he will spend his holidays with up to 90 per cent foreigners - above all with the English."

This is bad news for German travellers, who are famed for their readiness to take tour operators to court when they return home, often winning back 30 per cent of the value of their holiday if a cockroach was spotted in the restaurant.

So Bild's advice is simply to avoid the Brits on holiday.

"That's the best solution," TimesOnline quoted Tanja Dauth, of the package company L'TUR, told the paper.

"Avoid the best-known English holiday citadels when you book. We advise our customers which nationalities they can expect to encounter in their hotels," Dauth added.

Last weekend some of the German Sunday papers kicked off the "avoid the Brits" game with an analysis of the beaches in Majorca. The worst marks were awarded to Port de Pollen§a and Magaluf.

"Germans booking there will need to have an understanding of the very special British humour and drinking habits," the analysis said.

"As for those (vomit) stains on the promenade, they are what is left of the previous night's entertainment. The place is suitable for party-lovers who want to learn English on the side," the analysis added.

Magaluf also heads the Bild list of no-go areas - followed by San Antonio in Ibiza, Playa de las Americas in Tenerife, Ayia Napa in Cyprus and Faliraki on Rhodes.

Malia, in Crete, comes with a Bild health alert: "Binge drinking, sex and sand - three things that make this place on the east coast of Crete an attractive destination for the English."

Lest the Germans have a problem identifying the Brits abroad, Bild carried a field guide on its online version. One mildly upsetting picture showed two allegedly British females with their legs open, on sun loungers that they had apparently wrestled from the Germans.

ANI